Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So much rum. So many feels.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
