no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
