Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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