Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
