every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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