i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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