dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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