I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
