3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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