i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
