why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
