"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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