Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize