his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
