something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
