the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
