were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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