So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
