dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
