I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
