Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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