That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
