my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
