I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am naked and annoyed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
