Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
