Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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