Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
