The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
