Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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