I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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