i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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