Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
