Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
