My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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