She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
