first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize