i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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