I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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