From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Couch. On fire.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
