Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize