Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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