apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
