I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
