there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
