i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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