do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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