I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
