I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
