Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
