I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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