addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
