My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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