She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
