I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
