Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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