If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
