dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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