from now on my penis is your penis
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
