it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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