marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize