I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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