I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
