bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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