Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
