I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Less talking, more tequila
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
