god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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