I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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