Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize