dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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