I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
