u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize