Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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