So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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