I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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