thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
