playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
