my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
