I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
