I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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