I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
