he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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