TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
