Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
