So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All the doctor said was why
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
