i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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