Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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