If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
