So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
