Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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