I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize