therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
