i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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