I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize