i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
These tits shall not be calmed
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
