some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
