Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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