I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
even my farts smell like vagina
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
