11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
