Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
