I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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