Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
