you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
