I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I have already put on my inside pants.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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