Kiss
Puke
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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