haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
