on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
