there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
