So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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