First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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